The Downside of Grace pt 1

I'm not objective about this, since (in the interest of full disclosure), I must confess that I work for a charitible organization- a church actually- and so you may be inclined to read this and shake it off as the prattlings of a typist "wiping cheeto dust off on his underoos and blogging from mommas basement". Deeper still, I should also tell you that I have been homeless before, incarcerated before and the recipient of much of the goodwill that local charities operate in the Albany area.

I'm not a tourist. I'm a DP like those for whom I maintain this blog. I came to Albany broke and with a broken hand. Unable to work. Nothing but the clothes on my back. Knowing no one who would provide me money, a meal, a way to get clean, a change of clothes or a roof over my head. I was not ready to die or starve and was fully prepared to survive by any means necessary as I have done in the past and if you don't believe me then you can pull my record-11 different county jails- prisons in 4 different states. Strong Armed Robbery. Bank Robbery. Possession with intent to sell and deliver. I gets mine.

This is nothing to brag about. This is my record and I only bring this up to let you know that I am not a bleeding heart homelessness theoritician or a pampered intellectual Nazi darwininst with no knowledge of the subject. I'm no tourist. I got skin in this game.

With this I feel it is important to write what my fellow Charity workers will not say but, nevertheless, feel deeply towards the objects of largesse.For your own sake, don't take this kindness for weakness.

I know how it is. On the street, one who can be constantly hit up for money, dope, a drink .... is considered to be a sucker. a sap, a lame, a mark, a vic ,a punch. Weak minded. Overly trusting. Easily manipulated and gullible. So when the hustle dries up and that woman gets tired of you snorting krispy kremes and grinding ass prints in the couch with your unwiped feet up on the furniture while she works, or that sugar daddy turns sour and changes the locks while you're out spending his hard earned money with Jody, you end up at a shelter like the one I run. You're contrite at first and you've got a spin on the story designed to elicit sympathy from strangers. And because I give you a place to lay your head and something hot to eat and toiletries to replace the ones you left behind and maybe some clean clothes, you consider it a come up. You think you've moved past that little glitch in your game. You're back in hustle mode. Stop and think about where you are.

You're a half step from the curb. from the asphalt floor and the concrete sheets. America is a family oriented, money centered society and if you don't have some of both, you are effectively stripped of your citizenship and subject to chattel status. Vagrancy laws. No Loitering signs, fences and trespassing ordinances are society's ways of removing men and women from the sight(comfortable illusion) of those who believe that America is something other than it is. Something fair and better. Welcome to the world of the outcaste.

You cannot feed yourself. You cannot shelter yourself from the elements.
But by the Grace of God food and shelter are provided. It is the Grace of God that does for you what you cannot do on your own and to deny or misinterpret this Grace is to prepare yourself for a lifetime of dependency and want and the misery that comes from dissatisfaction.

Grace is, by definition, unmerited favor. Unmerited being un earned, undeserved not paid for. If you die in these streets starved or frozen, then it is no ones fault but yours. Do you understand? You're in America and the quality of your citizenship is proportional to the value of your possessions. You can blame whoever you like, but if you believe that you deserve something you haven't earned, then you are delusional. It is God's Grace that sustains you and nothing else. We who work for most of these Charities that feed clothe and house you understand that we are simply dispensers of God's Grace. But we are also stewards of it. That means we must be responsible with what we have and be prudent distributors of it. Would it be prudent to turn the keys of the storehouse over to a drunk? A thief? A junkie? A man or woman who cannot even do for self? No. I don't think so. I wouldn/t let a Junkie hold me wallet or a drunk drive my car or an idiot do my taxes.

If this sounds like an insult to you on the other side of the counter or the serving window, it's not. Remember, I was on the same side you were on not long ago. So I'm a living testimony that being on one side is not a necessarily permanent state, and doesn't disqualify you from being on the other. But there were times when I would not have been a good steward of God's grace. My purpose is not to downgrade anyone, but to sound an alarm, a wake up call for the rest of your life. "steel sharpens steel, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend". I'm not your friend if I sugar coat the bitter pill that is reality. I'm not your friend if I let you fall off a cliff because I didn't want to offend your ears with a warning that you were moving in the wrong direction. I'm your friend because I bring it to you raw without judgement about how you got here. If I didn't love you, I'd let you go quietly into that good night. I'm inciting you to rage against the dying light.

If you are trying to overcome your circumstances, then you are in a struggle. to be continued